The Vanguard

I was linked to a column by Julia Baird on twitter about silence and why we need it, and it got me thinking. Finally, I know, right? Because I’ve neglected this place a little — too much work for uni, not enough brain space to generate more than a couple of cynical paragraphs about refugee wank and how I’m totally over it.

I’ve had a thought for quite some time now that I would probably cope quite well if I was a nun. I don’t seem to have the same issues with silence that other people do; in fact, given a choice between a noisy party and a quiet home, I’ll take the quiet home kthnx. Why? I don’t like being in noisy places. I can’t think clearly and it makes me withdraw somewhat.

(more…)

I’ve swung back into agnostic territory again. I keep looking at my religious beliefs and wondering if I’m not just going through the motions. Fact is, I’ve never been very … what’s the word … expressive? My spirituality is very practical in nature. I’m not interested in high ritual and ceremony. I find it distracting from the heart of what religion is all about. That said, sometimes I wished I had a little more care for it, because at least then I’d feel like I was doing something, rather than just existing without showing my faith much.

While I am Kemetic Orthodox, and I like the Senut ritual, it’s too much for me to do every day. Again, I’m feeling a need to go back to my simpler morning ritual of greeting the Gods each morning with prayer, lighting some incense, and spending a moment in Their presence. Which, I know, Senut is a more detailed version of, but it’s not what I want. I find Senut very difficult to perform when others are in the house. I had no issues with my own little ritual, but because Senut can take me upwards of an hour, and I need to be in the right frame of mind, it just… I just end up putting it off.

Perhaps I need to write some more prayers to say in the morning and make it my habit to recite prayers, burn incense, and just be with Them after I get up, rather than speed to the computer and get coffee. I feel I need something to make me feel like I’m doing something.
(more…)

This post isn’t necessarily about one incident or one religion or whatever. It’s more of a general post about a variety of things that I’ve observed, mostly within pagan groups. It’s just annoying me at the moment, and it’s all I can think about to post here, since I neglected to post last weekend. Sorry! Was very busy. >.<

(As an aside, I’m also posting this over at Per Sebek, due to relevance.)

Now, I know religion can be a touchy subject for some, and for those who are Pagan of some sort, it can be a subject they are unwilling to talk about due to a fear of harrassment. I get it. However, I don’t think that can really justify the notion that all these little pagan groups need to cut themselves off from anyone who doesn’t agree with them, as if somehow an alternative experience or view point might be the cause of the apocalypse.

‘They’re just a troll, ignore them’. I find this excuse somewhat pathetic. Sure, some might be genuine trolls, and fair enough, if they’re genuine trolls, so be it. But if it’s more of an issue of someone saying something you don’t like, or maybe expressing a belief that’s not necessarily one you hold, I am not inclined to call troll. I don’t think cutting yourself off from alternative perspectives helps anyone, and I think it gives the perception of a closed community, one that is conformist and not accepting of differing views.
(more…)

The year comes to a close, Zep Tepi approaches. The air is heavy with exhaustion. It aches for renewal. I feel it in my body, my bones, my mind. I’m ready for this year to be over. Everything is carrying the weight of the year, and it’s telling. There’s a desire to reach out to the air and breathe again.

I don’t know why I’m writing this here. I suppose just for something to say. Haven’t written much the past few days. Even my inspiration is tired. I might do some reading tomorrow, or that editing I keep putting off. Maybe refresh my Age of Myth skillz. I don’t know how I got so bad at it. I need to rehash my cheats memory. Pandoras Box and Wrath of the Gods will only get me so far… XD

No idea if I’m doing anything for Wep Ronpet though. At least, I have no plans for something big, not when it’ll just be me. Might spend some time in shrine though. And destroy a snake cake or similar. We’ll see. Brain is kinda dead right now, so any thoughts about New Year are very much  ‘oh gods why aren’t you here yet?’

There are too many things I have thoughts on, but not enough to make any sort of coherent post about. Writing is going okay, though, in spite of what I said above. Writing is just not as prolific. Then again, after writing 5k in a weekend, I tend to need a rest and let my inspration recharge. Perhaps I should do that editing tomorrow.

Sometimes, I don’t know what to say. I have too many thoughts and not enough inspiration to write them down. So they swirl around in my head, waiting for the right time. This is mostly okay, unless I have two or more totally disparate topics, and neither make any sense at all.

Most of my thoughts are on religion and spirituality tonight, but I’m not interested in writing about that here. Various things around the place have me both annoyed at religion and glad to be amongst friends.

The way I practice religion and spirituality are probably rather a lot different to the way others might do it. I find my own way, and reject anyone who tells me what to believe. The nature of my beliefs and cosmology have shifted substantially this year. I am not solely Earth-focussed anymore. My worldview has expanded and is now filled with stars. (more…)

Perhaps I should clarify. I’m sick of the people who belong to religions, not necessarily the religions themselves.

Humans are stupid creatures who will pick petty fights amongst themselves for no reason at all. Religion turns people into sheep, no matter which one it is. I’m tired of it all. I want out.

I’ve always been a bit individualistic like that, I think. I don’t like being told what to believe, and I can’t stand to be around people who refuse to question their faith, or refuse to rock the boat. It’s not on. Use your fucking minds. God, Netjer, whatever, gave you a bright fucking mind and as much free will as you can cope with. Why must you give it all away and let someone else dictate what you believe? (more…)

It’s funny what a change in perspective can do for you.

I’ve been thinking about my ancestors recently. ANZAC Day always brings them to the fore. I’m almost ashamed I give them so little thought during the rest of the year.

When I was divined, Hemet (AUS) told me that my ancestors were proud of me. Even now, to think on those words makes me choke up and want to cry, and I still have no word for the emotion it elicits from me.

To carry the name of your ancestors by choice is a big decision. One might be named after them at birth, but to choose a name once taken by a relative is quite significant. I’m at that point in my life where I plan to do this, but I’m yet to ask permission from my ancestors to do so. I feel it’s only right before taking their name as my own.

I still think on my maternal grandparents a lot. I do miss them greatly, and I still can’t shake the feeling that Grandad’s Welsh flag is meant for me. One day I’ll carry it for him in his honour.

Not a long post tonight, I know, but I needed to get these thoughts down before bed. They’ve waited a long time to be written.

Also, I’ll be writing up my thoughts on Dawkins’ little tirade against New Age stuff on Sunday. Won’t that be a laugh?

Yes, I’ve been reading again. Dangerous activity, I know, but I do it all the same. This time, I’ve been reading God Under Howard by Marion Maddox. I’m almost finished and it’s a fascinatingly disturbing read.

Now, whilst I’m not opposed to religion itself per se, I do object to religion being used to manipulate people and attain such power and influence that they can distort our democratic society into hatred and racism.

I will not tolerate a theocracy, no matter which religion is behind it. (more…)

I watched the second part of Gamer Revolution tonight. Fascinating documentary. The way I see it, it can be interpreted in two ways: 1) it’s just a doco about computer games; or, 2) it goes much deeper than that to explore games, their impact and how the internet has spawned this whole new world.

It mentioned how kids who’ve grown up with computer games are living in two places at once: online and offline. I’m one of them. There’s this physical world I interact on and live in, then there’s the internet. It’s so intangible a thing, the internet. You can’t really touch it, or actually live in it. You can’t see it. You can observe it, interact with it, use it to connect with anyone in the world.

See, I’ve got this theory about The Divine. When They made us, They gave us a small spark of Their power. You could call it our soul, but that’s not quite what it is. It’s almost like consciousness, almost like it, but not. It’s hard to define. It’s the remnant from our creation by the Gods. Because of this, when we create things, as the Gods did, a small part of our spark is imprinted in what we make, so the Divine is passed to us and into what we make. (more…)