Perhaps I should clarify. I’m sick of the people who belong to religions, not necessarily the religions themselves.
Humans are stupid creatures who will pick petty fights amongst themselves for no reason at all. Religion turns people into sheep, no matter which one it is. I’m tired of it all. I want out.
I’ve always been a bit individualistic like that, I think. I don’t like being told what to believe, and I can’t stand to be around people who refuse to question their faith, or refuse to rock the boat. It’s not on. Use your fucking minds. God, Netjer, whatever, gave you a bright fucking mind and as much free will as you can cope with. Why must you give it all away and let someone else dictate what you believe?The longer I hang around in the Pagan community, the more I see the same things happening there. They just follow blindly. You’d think they’d have more sense, since they usually come from Christianity with complaints about being told what to believe, but apparently, that doesn’t count when it comes to Pagan faiths, because they’re totally different and so much better anyway.
Please. Tell someone who cares.
This is why I can’t bear to be a part of any religious group. I hate being told what to believe, and I will not be preached to. I have my own beliefs. They’re sufficiently eclectic that I just don’t fit into one place. So excuse me for being different. And it’s not even that my beliefs clash with everyone else’s. It’s more that while my path might converge and run parallel with some groups more than with others, they never meet, nor should they be obliged to.
I don’t even know if the Bawy year is responsible for this sudden influx of agnosticism or not, or whether it’s just me being weird again. I think I need to be away from Kemetic Orthodoxy (KO) for a while. I need that freedom to work myself out and whether I can abide being affiliated with them again. I meant to do so a while ago, but never got around to it. Perhaps now is the time to step back from my shemsu vows.
Actually no. I’ve changed my mind. I think what I need to do is pull back and work out what being a shemsu actually means for me, not try and be something I’m not. As much as I want to pull back from KO, and I have thought about it for over a year now, I’ve never done anything about it. I think a part of my soul really does want to be KO, so now I have to work out what shemsu means for me, not what it means for everyone else.
A friend and ex-KO once asked me what it means to be a shemsu, and I couldn’t answer her then. I think I need to find an answer to this. Maybe then I’ll feel better about where I am.
Because I embrace many beliefs that aren’t KO and don’t strictly belong to one single other faith system. I am eclectic like that. I embrace bits of discordianism, bits of warrior spirituality, a few things I swiped from Isobelle Carmody, and other things relating to the country I live in. I’m a mongrel of a person. I’ve picked up a few things from learning about Indigenous beliefs as well, especially things relating to country.
I suppose I’m also tired of the politics within specific groups. There is a pressure to conform even if there’s no thing to conform to. The more you’re obsessed with Egypt, the better you are spiritually. Which is utter bullshit to me.
This isn’t one of my better worded essays. More a late-night rant I need to get off my chest. Maybe I’ll collect this into a better worded thing later, but right now, I need to get these words out. So deal with this semi-coherent rant. I need to sleep before I go to work tomorrow.